I'm pretty insecure. Yes, post-Christ He has helped me discover my true identity, but sometimes I still struggle and have moments of vulnerability. I find that when the enemy sees me with my guard down, or any opportunity to dabble salt in my insecurites wound, then he takes the chance. It's tough because I don't recognize it's an attack until I feel like crap and find myself dwelling on the lies as if they were true. I think for me, my insecurities and my tendency to compare myself to others creates a perfect storm of self-pity. Self-pity is the worst because it creates all these emotions in me that are completely void of any real support, the only support i have for feeling down are the lies that I contemplate as truth.
That being said, I got straight attacked last night at Circles. I was having one of those weird days where I just felt off. Partly because I was sick and couldn't think straight and i dont know the other part, i was just off. Wait, you guys need a little more background if this is going to make sense: I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, absolutely no idea. I've had dreams of being everything from a firefighter to a full-time missionary to a biochemist to a doctor. But nothing has really stuck. On top of that, I don't really know what any of my passions are, what my calling is. So right now I'm just waiting on the Lord and I KNOW He has something planned, I just have no idea what, yet. So I rolled into Circles with this on the back of my mind and then the lies began!
"You're not like any of these people. you're different. they're all artsy and creative and you suck at art and couldn't create a thing. they all have deep passions that God gave them but God didn't give you any passions. They all are serving the Lord with their God given passions. What are your passions? Where are your passions? WHERE ARE YOUR PASSIONS?"
And i dwelled in this for the whole night! But it was cool because this morning I woke up and embraced the freshness of sunshine and the reality of a new day. The new sunshine evaporated the cloudiness of the lies and i was able to see clrealy they were lies and I was able to recognize the reality of Gods love. I prayed and told the Lord i trust Him. I know He has a plan for me. Give me clarity God. Peace in waiting. and then I read Corinnes blog with brandons comment and its just super encouraging when the issue being brought about on a blog is exactly the same thing you're going through. Being renewed is a great thing :)
Jeremiah 29:11 ""For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a mans' heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails."
Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.