White Castle Employee of the Month 1971

i don't do my laundry very often. i wear all of my clothes until they are all dirty and the search for a cute outfit in the morning reaches about 10 minutes. Then i do all my laundry and start over. so last week, after i ran out of clothing, i was looking through my dads closet when i found a t-shirt that said "White Castle Employee of the Month 1971." I couldnt believe the treasure that hung before me. it was as if i saw a new color. i was in awe, i was confused, i was well pleased, and i was shocked all at the same time. but then i realized that although extremely random shirts are in style right now, White Castle Employee of the Month 1971 is crossing the line. i couldn't pull it :/ but i'll probably wear it to circles just for kicks and giggles. this has nothing to do with my walk with God right now. i apologize if you were pre-emptively(?) trying to uncover some hidden metaphor ;).

the Bible says it is impossible to please God without faith. Hebrews 11 is often called the "faith hall of fame" and it talks about the best examples of faith from men and women in the old testament. how they did great things because of their faith in God and His Word and His promises... faith is such a huge part of our... faith.

• we walk by faith, not by sight.
• we're saved by faith.
• we're justified by faith.
• we are instructed to keep our eyes on Jesus who is the author and perfector of faith.
• "I have been crucified by Christ, it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me; and the life which i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."
• "and without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him."

when i recommitted my life to Christ my junior year of high school, it took a lot of faith because i was terrified of telling all my old friends i wouldn't be partying with them anymore, or even seeing them very much; but i knew it had to be done in order to follow Jesus. it's a scary thing sometimes, acting on pure faith. but that's exactly what is most pleasing to God. i feel like throughout the Christian life it's a series of cliff jumps. God is speaking; softly, gently, powerfully; "Jump." And I am standing over the edge looking down at the jagged rocks of doubt and all sorts of possible outcomes saying, "Lord.... look at those rocks!"

"Jump."

and then when I do jump it's still scary while  in the air but He always catches me and teaches me and blesses me and He is glorified.

i'm falling more and more with love with Jesus, but a lot of times i lack faith, i lack trust; in His plan for me, in His characteristics, in everyday life. i find myself having faith in the good times, but then leaning on my own understanding in the bad times.... still, much too often; i try to understand every little thing... it's not very hard for the enemy to throw me the perfect lie and it just cruises right through my faith and causes me to overanalyze. im over it.

Jesus, LORD, abba! pleeease give me more faith. i need it. i want it. i want to sprint and gainer off of the cliffs of life knowing your LOVINGKINDNESS always, always, always prevails; even when it completely doesnt look like it. Amen.

PS i love you guys. circles continues to rock my world week in and week out.

the red wire!!!??? or the blue one!!!???

So i've been wrestling with this big decision coming up. Vanguard or football. Vanguard means bible classes, solid solid fellowship, and full time ministry. Football means football, and trying to lead people to Jesus on my team. I have been hyper analyzing and super stressing and praying praying praying and wrestling with this in my head for the last 3 weeks, which is definitely a solid reason why I haven't blogged. idk how those are connected, but the stress and lack of decision made me feel like i had nothing to blog about even though i should have definitely blogged about this long ago. Anyways, i have FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY come to peace!!!! and it's definitely the result of my prayers and the wise counsel of certain peeps i sought out.

I felt extremely guilty about leaving the football team. i felt like i would be condemning them by leaving them and pursuing Vanguard, and it was killing me because even though at one point i had decided i was staying and playing football, i didn't have peace, i still had this killer urge not to just give up on Vanguard. 

I want to go to Vanguard. And so I was struggling in my head with, "Since this is what i want, it must not be God's will, and I need to die to myself." But i was confused because at the bottom of my heart i want to go to Vanguard to glorify God in the fact that I think He is calling me to full time ministry. But then there was fear with being in ministry and having student loans and blahblahblah....

so i struggled and wrestled and stressed and prayed over these two decisions, literally, literally, like my life was on the line. I felt like I was snipping one of two wires which was tied to a spiritual nuke that could literally just obliterate God's plan for my life. RED OR BLUE, RED OR BLUE!!!!????

and then i realized it's not like that.... haha. i started to dwell in the fact that perhaps the Lord has given me two great options and is letting me choose, and that i shouldn't feel guilty about doing what my heart pleases because perhaps the Lord has conformed my will with His will in this one. i haven't exactly made up my mind in this but i'm leaning towards Vanguard. God has opened this door and i want to go through it, for Him. i think the enemy was really guilt tripping me about leaving the team, as if salvation for others was up to me.... I realized that i was over estimating my importance in the Kingdom, and that God is gunna do what God is gunna do whether I'm there or not. and besides, I still have about a month left to pour into some guys! but what's cool is that the Lord could say no to Vanguard at the last second and I would be totally cool with that. bummed out a little, but i would still have peace knowing that God is God and as long as i keep serving Him everything is going to work out. tomorrow i have a meeting with the vanguard counselor where we will go over financial info and so my decision should be made by the end of the week. it feels so good to have the pressure off of me, like the rest of my Spiritual journey with God isn't riding on this one single decision :) God is good.

PS i memorized pslam 23 recently. it's been really awesome reciting it all the time. i HIGHLY suggest doing it for anone who needs a spiritual boost. I SURE DID :)

REBUKED!

I recently read the Circles blog with the story of the alcoholic and how he needed some extremely tough lovin' to get him to realize his problem. I looked at that story as one big REBUKE! It's funny because last night I totally got rebuked by one of my closests friends, although she did it in an extremely gentle, soft-spoken, and loving way; it still felt like an emotional sock in the face haha.

I have a big mouth, and I like to talk. A lot. For some reason when I feel like Zach Hoffman has something to say that it's the most wise, most amazing revolutionary thought that anyone has ever had and it would just be a crying shame if everyone in the room didn't get to hear it. (it's terrible, I know.) I've gotten much better at this, but it still creeps up sometimes and I don't even recognize it! and another thing, it's especially bad when it comes to biblical topics. (yes, i am THAT guy :/ sometimes.) So last night we were at a friends talking about stuff and we were just talking and I had some AMAZING points which I made sure were heard and everything was great, until...

I got into the car with my friend whom I was driving home and then I totally got REBUKED! She kindly pointed out to me that I was talking out of turn, talking over people, not being patient, and yeah she was completely right and I didn't even realize it. It was pointed out that my behavior was not Christ like at all and that I made myself look like a person I'm not. I had to literally fight to hold down the urge to blurt out my justifications but I just took it and yeah.

Rebuking is a good thing. It's important because a lot of times I don't realize when I'm doing stuff that isnt representing Jesus and when someone is loving enough to point that out to me, it allows me to get a perspective of myself from the outside. That, in turn, allows me to grow closer to Jesus, which is my life goal. It's nice to have friends who I know love me enough to hurt my feelings in an effort to help me grow closer to the Lord :) but I dont think it's good to get overly excited about REBUKING and then become the REBUKE king. then the rebuking loses its purpose and often has the opposite effect. that's not what I'm talking about, you guys know what I mean :)

lying down in green pastures

oh man, i've really been slackin in circles and first of all, I just want to apologize for not upholding to committment i said i would uphold. I'm getting back on track! These last few weeks have been insane because of midterms. Between football, school, work, and circles I just havent had enough time in the day for anythign else and I often had to sacrafice time from one of those four places and it just happened to be circles :/. The consistent 4 hr sleep nights have killed me and had its toll on my physical health. I haven't had the chance to finish here and now yet, but i will! and then my here and now post will come! :)

SOOOO, since i haven't posted in like 22 days.... (eeeeh that looks bad when i write it haha) i'll do sort of a quick summary of whats been clear through the chaos. I feel the Lord calling me to some type of full time ministry, I feel like full time missions work/ evangelism is the specific nudge I feel from the Spirit. The missions part is going to take much prayer and discernment because I'm not about to just move to the jungle without receiving confirmation i've been called haha, that would not be good.... the second of these two, evangelism, is something i have definitely been slacking on. I used to do it a lot at the spectrum or the block or the movies with some friends but in the past 4-5 months I havent gone at all. I dont know if evangelism is a gift but when i'm talking to a stranger about Jesus, the Spirit gives me things to say that i've never even thought of before so maybe? But anyways, I need to start hittin the streets once again.

Through this whirlwind i've been able to have peace because Jesus has been kept in view and the big picture always in focus. Yes, there were periods of dread while doing 5 hour blocks of homework, and moments of anxiety and stress, but those brief moments seemed to be easily whiped away when I took a step back and kept my eyes on Jesus and His love for me. I know that sounds really basic and almost cliche but hey, it's all about Gods love :) psalm 23 became my anthem. Through the busyness, sickness and stress i found myself still joyful during class, and during football, and having meaningful conversations and I just smile inside because that's ALL the HolySpirit..... so now I have spring break and i'm just super stoked to get down and dirty in the Word and go hiking and go surfing and play basketball and get SLEEEEEEP and play raquetball and run and lift and READ LOTS AND LOTS OF BLOGS :) so yeah I've been M.I.A, but things have been going splendid. see you all tonight :)

ask, know, grow.

God's been watering me and it feels really good to feel growth and breakthrough. It's really kinda out of nowhere and through various, random ways He's been shedding light and truth in my life. Whether it be great church services, Circles discussions, Here and Now, the Word of Life, or just encouraging conversations; I've been seeing more of Him lately and gaining wisdom. Which is so sick cause i've been totally asking for wisdom. so there's two main things that i would say God has been revealing to me through the wisdom He has given: prayer & perserverance/endurance.

My prayer life has increased dastically and as a result, so has the peace (that's weird kind of exactly like Phillipians 4:6-7...hmm). Here and Now got me thinking about prayer. he wrote about how prayer keeps our eternal sight clear and when our eternal sight or our vision of Christ gets blurry, prayer makes it clear again. i've been applying this and have been experiencing what it's like to continually be in the mindset of prayer all day. I have invited God into my thought life and have been listening for Him more. It's really helped. Like a ton. I'm able to recognize spiritual attacks more easily, and sift lies from truth, and find joy in all things. most important of all i've been super content. prayer is a beautiful thing.

The second thing, perserverance/endurance comes from 2 Peter 1:1-11:

" ³ His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴ Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
 ⁵ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. ⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
 ¹⁰ Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, ¹¹ and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

this passage is so boss!!!!!!

it spoke directly to me. His power has made it possible for us to be sanctified, in order that we would ESCAPE the corruption of this world. Then i love the snowball type deal he does in verses 5,6, and 7. Right now i'm right in the middle of the self-control/perserverance stage. i'm learning how to recognize desires of the flesh, ones that will give birth to sin, and appealing to the Spirit in me rather than dabbling with the desire. and then how to perservere with the mindset on a daily basis. it was really encouraging talking to my uncle (probably the most Christ-like person i know) about perserverence. He was telling me how now that spiritual battle will be going on the rest of my life, and how every single day he faces it. The enemy will do whatever he can to rob our joy. That's why its so important to "forget the past and press on towards the goal which Christ has called us to heaven for." It was awesome to see his daily perserverence and the results of it: lots and lots of fruit.

i think the key is one day at a time, one moment at a time, one battle at a time. and also, consistantly clinging to Jesus through prayer and the Word.

so that's whats up in my life right neow. thanks for listening :)

waiting + lies.

This post was inspired by the truth spoken to me through Corinnes post, so first off, thank you Corinne. And Brandons comment.

I'm pretty insecure. Yes, post-Christ He has helped me discover my true identity, but sometimes I still struggle and have moments of vulnerability. I find that when the enemy sees me with my guard down, or any opportunity to dabble salt in my insecurites wound, then he takes the chance. It's tough because I don't recognize it's an attack until I feel like crap and find myself dwelling on the lies as if they were true. I think for me, my insecurities and my tendency to compare myself to others creates a perfect storm of self-pity. Self-pity is the worst because it creates all these emotions in me that are completely void of any real support, the only support i have for feeling down are the lies that I contemplate as truth. 

That being said, I got straight attacked last night at Circles. I was having one of those weird days where I just felt off. Partly because I was sick and couldn't think straight and i dont know the other part, i was just off. Wait, you guys need a little more background if this is going to make sense: I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, absolutely no idea. I've had dreams of being everything from a firefighter to a full-time missionary to a biochemist to a doctor. But nothing has really stuck. On top of that, I don't really know what any of my passions are, what my calling is. So right now I'm just waiting on the Lord and I KNOW He has something planned, I just have no idea what, yet. So I rolled into Circles with this on the back of my mind and then the lies began!

"You're not like any of these people. you're different. they're all artsy and creative and you suck at art and couldn't create a thing. they all have deep passions that God gave them but God didn't give you any passions. They all are serving the Lord with their God given passions. What are your passions? Where are your passions? WHERE ARE YOUR PASSIONS?"

And i dwelled in this for the whole night! But it was cool because this morning I woke up and embraced the freshness of sunshine and the reality of a new day. The new sunshine evaporated the cloudiness of the lies and i was able to see clrealy they were lies and I was able to recognize the reality of Gods love. I prayed and told the Lord i trust Him. I know He has a plan for me. Give me clarity God. Peace in waiting. and then I read Corinnes blog with brandons comment and its just super encouraging when the issue being brought about on a blog is exactly the same thing you're going through. Being renewed is a great thing :)

Jeremiah 29:11 ""For I know the plans I have for you," Declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a mans' heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails."

Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

caring

so this week ive been really focusing on being present when i'm with people and caring, like really caring about everyone. i've been trying to be real with people and get to their hearts instead of just having meaningless bs conversations. and already ive had 17 different heart to hearts with all these different people ive never even met before!!!! just kidding. nothings been that different besides the fact that its refreshing truly caring about people. now, im not really good at it yet but i've been focusing on what distracts me from the present and just being more sensitive to the Spirits leading. it's a good thing and im gunna keep workin on it. so in reality, 2 conversations come to my mind. One with the janitor from my work which was half spaglish but we talked about his kids and this kid he kinda adopted cause the kids dad got deported. i feel like this was a big step in our relationship. and also, with my old homie from football, who is now on my team at saddleback, he really opened up to me about some pain in his life and how he's interested in God. I gave him the Love Letter and he said he would start reading it. This was especially special because if there was one person who i thought i was LEAST likely to have a meaningful conversation with, it was him. only God! :)